Dienstag, 27. Juni 2017

Gerhard Martin, a lifelong Single against will



















My (seemingly) "UNbeliveable" Life-Story:
(a "SOLO-career" )



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My life had been totally DEVOID of "female youth" from the very beginning: I have had NO sister, NO girl-friend, NO fiancée, NO wife, NO daughter EVER ! :((( All my Life up to now I had been trying IN VAIN to get to know & to get in close proximity & finally into a relationship with a YOUNG Lady or Girl. :´-(
I was NOT allowed to be the Brother of a Sister, the Boy-Friend of a Girl-Friend, the Fiance of a Fiancee, the Husband of a Wife, nor the Father of an own Daughter.
Thanks to the fear, mistrust and shyness of you Ladies I have nothing but been alone all my life. :-(
And instead of explaining to me, what disturbes you talking to me & looking at me (and what I could possibly change), you just say: “I don´t believe, you never had a girl-friend. I think you´re joking!” :-O Or you just ask ME: "What has been the reason for the failure ?", allthough I hoped to learn THAT from YOU. :-(
I have several UNmet needs & lacks of needs concerning the YOUNG Femininity to yet satisfy:
For brotherly/sisterly Love, for Love in Life-Partnership & Relationship & for fatherly/daughterly Love.

In meinem einsamen Leben hat das "Junge, Weibliche" immerzu nur gefehlt, schon von Anfang an: Ich hatte keine Schwester, keine Freundin, keine Frau, keine Tochter !!! :(((
Ich durfte kein Bruder einer Schwester sein, kein Freund einer Freundin, kein Verlobter einer Verlobten & kein Vater einer Tochter.
Dank dem Mißtrauen & der Scheu und Angst von Euch Damen war ich mein ganzes Leben lang nur allein. :-(
Und statt mir zu erklären, was Euch so sehr an mir stört (und ich ggf. daran ändern könnte), sagt Ihr mir nur: “Das glaube ich Dir nicht, daß Du noch NIE ne Freundin hattest. Ich vermute, Du veralberst mich!” :-O
Oder ihr fragt mich: "WORAN scheiterte es denn immer ?", obwohl ICH doch diese Frage endlich von EUCH geklärt zu bekommen hoffte. :-(
Daher habe ich MEHRERE UNerfüllte Bedürfnisse & Bedürfnis-Mängel gegenüber JUNGER Weiblichkeit auszugleichen:
Nach geschwisterlich-schwesterlicher Liebe, nach lebenspartnerschaftlicher Liebe & Beziehungserfahrung & nach väterlich-töchterlicher Liebe.

Dans ma vie solitaire, il n´y a eu de la Jeunesse féminine ou de la jeune Fémininité jamais ! Je n´ai eu une sœur, une amie, une coupine, une fiancée, une femme, une épouse  ou une propre fille de moi-même jamais !!! :(((
Grâce à la peur et défiance de vous femmes je n´ai été que seul toute ma vie. :-(
Et au lieu de m´expliquer ce que vous gênes de parler avec moi et regarder moi (, et me dire ce que je peux changer peut-être), vous me disez: >>Je ne croix pas, que tu n´ais eu d´amie jamais ! Je pense, que tu raconte des bobards !<<
Ou vous demandez moi: >>C´était à cause de QUOI ?<< , bien que MOI, je veux apprendre ca de VOUS ! :O
Je n'ai pas été autorisé à être le frère d'une soeur, le garçon-ami d'une amie-fille, le fiancé d'une fiancée, le mari d'une femme, ni le père d'une propre fille.

What can I do ????? …. :-S
Que puis-je faire ????? ..... :-s
WAS kann ich tun ????? .... :-s

Ich hatte leider noch NIEMALS eine Freundin oder Frau. :-( Wer mag mir helfen, das zu ändern ? :-)
I never ever had a girl-friend or wife in my whole life. :-( Who wants to help me to change that ? :-)
Je n´ai eu d´amie ou femme jamais ! :-( Qui veut m´aider à changer ça ? :-)

Please send Post to the following adress (I am NOT here in the Internet truely ;-) !):
GERHARD MARTIN , the lonliest Man in the Universe
D-7900 Freiburg
Germany

(Elternanschrift / Adress at Parents / Adresse chez les Parents: D-87527 Sonthofen, Germany)

PLEASE WRITE ME LETTER-POST INSTEAD OF E-MAILS. I AM NOT really HERE in the internet ; I AM OUTSIDE IN THE REAL WORLD: :-D

Bitte schreibt mir Brief-Post, Leute ! Ich bin schließlich nicht "hier" im Indernetz, sondern DRAUSSEN in der Wirklichkeit. :-D

Écrivez-moi des lettres, pas d´e-mail, s´il vous plaît ! Je ne suis pas "ici" à l` internet; je suis dedans la réalitée. :-D

Raitim Leta long mi , plis. Mi no stap long "hia", long internet. Mi stap arasait, long laip tru . :-D
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(1.): CLAIM OF RESPONSIBILITY:

INexperiencedness, aloofness, shyness and "(in)voluntary" Celibacy
I am thoroughly fed up & through with ….

I am a lonely “Upper-Allgäuer”-Ian in exile” trying to escape from winter and loneliness. At the risk that no one believes me, but I am now already 37 years young and had unfortunately still NOT A SINGLE girl-friend or wife ever before. (That it is because of my physical appearance, I do not really believe, but for some unknown reason, pretty young women are always just passing by, just like I’m not there. Or are they just as UNcertain as I am ? :-S ). For 21 years I had imagined a completely one-sided relationship with a (former) classmate as being “my girl-fried”, and now I’m glad I finally woke up and finally would like so much to catch up. I want to learn & experience what it means to give true emotional and physical love and finally get it in return. I would like to let YOU help me in this. 0:-) Important to me is particularly unsparing honesty and openness, so addiction to romance, to relationship and to misunderstood physical love (Sex-rubbish) may get NO breeding ground, as well as “abstinence-from-love”-addictions.

To me it is all about the showing of vulnerability (need-based awareness, understanding & communication). I am afraid when I think back to the experienced lonely years. :O Many problems I’ve caused just myself (especially my own aloofness), but unfortunately, I am anything but an “expert on women” (although I would like to be, and always wanted to be); maybe that´s because I only grew up with two brothers. (I now also accept more and more the question of how much the women are “experts on women” THEMSELVES or not, or to what extent they may be “experts on men” …and how much I am an “expert on men” myself ???)
What I openly want to admit with this, is:
The behavior of women is simply a book of 7,777,777 seals for me, but I’ve learned that one usually THEN is sending out unintelligible signals or double-messages when he / she is NOT really aware of what he / she even wants to express and to achieve. I myself will therefore say more consciously: I have great fear of rejection and discouragement by women, which I like, because I’ve NEVER experienced anything different before. :O I feel loneliness, sadness and helplessness for 37 years now, because if I get no response(s) of YOUNG women & Girls (except contempt and withdrawal) at all, then I do not know how I can fulfill my need for female solidarity and closeness. I am intimidated by discouragement and allegations very quickly, because I have truely a lot of respect for women, but maybe I do not dare to express that enough ? :-S What hurts me most of all, is when I read, that even veritable dream-girls write to me, that they do not really believe me that I’d never had a girl-friend or wife by my side, ever. :O :( But the tragic irony is that NONE of them really offers any interest towards me or even WANTS to have me around. At least I conclude this from their more than restrained reactions. Perhaps it´s because they assume & imply that I would be a Macho-man, who had LOTS & LOADS of girl-friends yet. That makes me infinitely sad. :( Women say about themselves, they want to be “CONQUERED” ; … I´m afraid I am a pacifist, not a conqueror. :O)
If this text touches your soul, then you’ve already helped me to some extent, as far as you tell me SO, too. :) Please dare to break the silence that is almost audible in the room. Since August 2011 I have now even embraced the first pretty young women (… which of course have all had someone as a boy-friend, as they revealed to me ).
But there´s a LOT more possible I´m sure ! :) And I want to have one or two own children! =D (Especially a daughter, something young & female for once in my life)
I wait, (-but not for the sake of waiting-) on your request or offer ! :D 
Hopefully see you soon ! Dare, please !!! :) (I still did not get TOO close to any woman yet ! ;-)
I have the love-experience of a 12 - or 13-year old Teenager. :O I know of no kiss, no fondling, no long-term cuddling, caressing …not even an amorous look in each other´s eye. :(

I sure cannot do EVERYTHING ALL ALONE, right ??! ;-)

GERHARD 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(2.): REMNANTS FROM THE PAST & SELF-FULFILLED DIAGNOSISES:


Thanks to the fear, anxiety and mistrust of you ladies I had been alone all my life. :-(

And instead you´d tell me what bothers you so much about me (and what I could possibly change) you only tell me: “I do not believe, that you have NEVER had a girl-friend ! I guess you´re joking ! ” :-O Or, YOU ask ME: “WHAT was the CAUSE for the constant failure ?” even though I hoped to get this issue finally resolved by YOU. :-(

And everything began THIS way:

CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL of KEMPTEN (Upper-Allgäu, Bavaria) 1975:

Parents just used to hand over their children to Strangers & leave them to the hospital, and doctors just used to send parents back home. It was common practice in "children´s hospitals" at that time. Beds for the relatives of the children weren´t even THERE.

Twice (at age 8 months & age 1 year and 1 month) I had emotional experiences of complete neglection of my needs for DAYS, accompanied by most careful “medi-cynical” care:

- “Lumbar puncture” ( removal/extraction of "liquor" from the interior of the spinal cord )

- “when bumping it, Child shows no compensatory movements, child simply drops to”

- “Tendons-Reflexes can not be assessed, because of intense crying”

- "Arms always held far to the side, when sitting and lying"
  "permanent holding the arms spread aside NOT noticed (by the Parents)"

- X-rays, blood serum levels, EEG, ECG, antibiotics, …

- Etc. …

+ BUT: no love, no peaceful proximity, closeness, nest-warmth, basic-trust or being accepted :-(


Moreover, my “other-directed” mother stopped to breastfeed me after 4 weeks , on the advice of the violent “child experts”. This would be indeed "obsolete" & “from the Past”, they said …. “empirically superior”. : O
She has expressed the suggestion towards me that I was probably strapped or "fixed" for the sake of extracting liquid from my spinal cord. :-S :-O :-(

My mother said that she had noticed I had changed a lot after she had brought me back home from the Children’s Hospital. I had become a cry-baby, if only she wanted to touch me or just turn on the back.

I have an image in mind:

Could some hopelessly overworked nurse no longer bear my screaming for my parents , and started to choke, shake and jolt me out of helplessness and UNawareness for needs ? :O
UNTILL TODAY I feel strange sensations of narrowness, tightness and crampedness in my throat, and a racing pulse in my throat. Sometimes even spinning-sensations and dizziness !
I can only imagine that I have experienced my life depending completely to the weal and woe of a young woman, which had not responded empathically to my desperate cries, but with almost lethal VIOLENCE instead. That would explain WHY I confronted pretty young women all my life, as though I would beg them to let me live. Women write to me, I seem to be “cramped” to them, so they feel overwhelmed, overburdened & overtaxed.

For the following empathic words of a nice lady (after a “seemingly fruitless” Rendez-vous) I am really very grateful:

“You know, maybe you’re searching too desperate. I believe you, that you want to know love for once. But the more you try something desperately, the less it works.
It can also scare off , if a woman reads that you haven´t had any experience, that you have never had a girl-friend, but you really want it desperately. Thus, the woman is under pressure.
You are very open and honest, but maybe you should not divulge & reveal so much from you IN THE FIRST PLACE ?!
For a proper acquaintance one needs time, patience; and perhaps you expect too much at once? You are certainly very desperate when it comes to love. But you also really leave that impression, one can notice so. “

YES ! This creates mutual fears of expectations, I’m sure. And love sure cannot be “forced”.

I am now trying to learn to trust and use the trust into the knowledge, that GENERALLY any woman can love ME at any time !
Then I am hopeful that I send out less signals of aloofness…and can get back more signals of proximity. It ALL depends on reciprocity. 0:-)


March, 4. / 5. of 2012: NEVER AGAIN “UNtouched”:
My first night of love:

I have now, after 37 1/2 years of complete loneliness, made love with a young woman for the very first time. How joyful & loving ! ^_^ ...but also exhausting, overwhelming & overtaxing !!! :-o -_- PHEW !!!
Previously, before THIS date, NOT even ONE GIRL had shown “mercy” to me.
A stigma was taken away from me. :-) … But a real relationship is, unfortunately, still written in the stars … (sigh).
SHE had said, that SHE had made HER "first experiences" with the other Gender at age 12 or 13 ! :-o ...and I did now at the age of 37 1/2 years. Two completely different worlds seem to have "collided" there... but honestly: Maybe it had been a FIRST REAL experience of true closeness & making love for the BOTH of us ?! ;-) 0:-D


And … to react to a hasty, tacit assumption :
No, I’m definitely NOT interested in other MEN ! :-(P I am disgusted by so called “gay” men, who (-I´m sure-) are just irritated about their real love-needs, and I have even once had a harmful, personally disappointing experience with a 50-year-old "gay" man, which I’m still embittered about today. :(( They can ignore me as much as they want, the ladies, but: NO woman had ever been acting SO disrespectingly towards ME, like THIS guy! I feel fear and disgust towards men who do not want to BE one. :O Please confirm to me credibly, that you REALIZE, RECOGNIZE & ACCEPT my needs as a MAN towards young, inviting, fertile, fresh FEMININITY ! O.K. ?
(Here in the Internet, I have, however, also occasionally received sex-addicted offers from women, too. BUT: Not a hundredth as many as YOU might think !!! :-P And Gerhard can already distinguish between real physical love and sex ! You don´t need to worry! To “get rid of women” NEVER had been a problem to me, by the way. :-) But to make contact with young, attractive women, on the other hand, really had been an aggravation, all the more. :-O :-( It scares me when I hear that women RATHER assume, that I was a gay “Homo-Lullu”, than that they would be willing to offer me a chance to get to know them. : (

YOUNG women make it as hard for me as probably possible, I’m afraid. :-(
Since 1995, young ladies DO NOT TALK TO ME ANYMORE out there in reality. :O (And they even were at a loss for words towards me, BEFORE this.) They behave & act digital-media-addicted and autistic. They talk only with their ears and hear the voices of people who are not there. :-O But I am no longer heard by them. :(

Also, I am aware of irritating evidence of contradictory, UNconscious ways of thinking & feeling, if I get messages here in the Internet:

JUDGEMENTS ONLY SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THESE PEOPLE, WHO ARE JUDGING:
For young women, I “am”:

-Too honest and too dishonest

-Too open & too sealed

-too directly & too restraint

-Too alternatively & too conservative

-Too homophobic & too gay-suspicious

-Too attractive & too unattractive

-Too eloquently & too quiet

-Too serious & too cheerful and silly

-Too shy & too briskly

-Too impetuous & too LITTLE Macho

-Too long & too short

-Too picky & too less picky

- Too JUDGED & too few judged

I’m afraid, I do not know, how I ever could even begin to correspond to this convoluted and contradictory claims . :-S 
Women probably do NOT know at all what they really want. Can that be true ?:-S

AND …: Women always wish me “Good Luck & Much Success !” …and pass me over to the next, next on,… Lady :-(
I can not stand to hear this anymore ! I´m fed up ! :( Sigh

DARE to approach at least for ONCE !!! What’s wrong with you, Ladies ? :-O

And with the words “I like the way you write!” women make “unmistakably” clear that THIS was the last message from them that I´ll get to read.


And yet another inexplicable Phenomena:

Whenever I actually had a good start with talking to young ladies out in the real world (especially with serene, small, natural, blonde “bundles of joy” :-D), then these ladies soon …had departed to Cologne. :O

For whatever reason just always to THIS place. :-S I wonder now, what they would do, if I moved to Cologne myself. :-S Hmmm ???

I was often told, it wasn´t because of my physical appearance, if women turn away from me so much. But gradually I have SERIOUS doubts about this theory. My appearance seems to deter enormous. : O-BUH! I sure AM the safest “contraceptive” that exists.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wyct_8OL1Zg 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSyOb8nKR20 


https://www.studiblog.net/2014/06/04/why-women-dont-like-nice-guys/


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(3.): LOVE AT LAST LOOK ? & merely “FLEEING ACQUAINTANCES”  : S


A request:

I feel sad, lonely, desperate, helpless, frustrated, disappointed and totally confused, …even more I ‘m scared if I’m aware of the efforts with which I try, to get female attention of young ladies… but get NOTHING but rejections. :-O :-(

I need feedback, confirmation and encouragement when I turn to young women (who I would like possibly), that it’s O.K. for you when I try to meet you closer.

Otherwise, I do not know how I EVER can satisfy my need for female proximity and closeness … or even just once can meet nice girls for companionship. :-(

Please tell me just ONCE in my lonely life that you like to have my presence and offer to me the chance to make a closer “sniffing” possible …. and how you do feel when you’re reading THIS … O.K. ?

Instead of always assuming hastily, that I´d EVER HAD a girl-friend already. :-O



EUREKA ! I think I got it! :)

Maybe I have found the essential explanation NOW why my efforts towards women, which I liked, had NEVER been rewarded by the hoped-for success:

Ironically, I, who do NOT fulfill or meet one of the popular men’s clichés *, have had (-a lifetime long-) only trust to the “love at first sight”-recipe ??? tz-tz-tz-tz-tz !?

What did I expect to get (except skepticism, confusion, helplessness and uncertainty), if I offer to all young immature ladies, EVERYTHING but what they are USED to receive from men … what they know … and consequently expect ? :-S

Sure, that too fast, hasty & commentless retreat & withdrawal from me (-which I know just too well of young ladies-) , maybe had been a (misread) sign to me, to believe that only in the very first few seconds / minutes of a new meeting a success would be possible. :-S But if I encounter women with EXACTLY THAT attitude & belief , they will be able to feel my impatience, tenseness and anticipatory anxiety. And feelings always come in mirror image: The women then feel that way, too. The danger is unfortunately large that they do not understand to express those emotions … and rather flee instead. :-O

And they HAVE withdrawn from me, a lonely 37-year-old life long. : (

Therefore, I find it so enormously difficult to imagine that even AFTER getting a rejection of a lady who I like, maybe there´s still basically the possibility of a “reconciliation, understanding and forgiveness”. :-S I just had NEVER experienced something different than pretty young ladies turning away from me … without a single word …or even complaining at me. : ( And then LEAVING me, just to be NEVER seen again ! :-X

I’ ve consciously decided to learn patience, confidence and trust in long-term success (with sufficient lead time to “sniff” at each other). Expectations have influence on the result. In longer term, there are plenty of options to re-encounter, as long as one (1.) believes in this… and (2.) tries it in a relaxed manner. :-)

And THEN there will also be a chance of getting to know each other nearer ; at least it´s not completely excluded ;-) ? Right ? ^_^

… Perhaps even love at LATER view?



Then there still remain the KNOWN, other difficulties:

- My shyness and uncertainty caused by the enormous experiences of rejection & failure in young women

- My inexperience with everything "young feminine", because I grew up WITHOUT sister, no girl-friend or wife … and consequently had no daughter, either.

- The wordless fear of women, THAT I was a ruthless macho-man … AND their equally big fear that I was NOT a macho-man.

- The digital media-addicted autism of young ladies today. They do not even notice me when I speak DIRECTLY to them. : (

(I do not even hear: “Heeey, You’re disturbing my wireless reception/connection !” from them.)

- My most fervent desire for DIRECT communication (WITHOUT media-dependency)

- My honesty, openness and questioning mindful view of life

- The painful tragedy that most women (and men) confuse the physical love, the “making love” with sex … and sex with a natural need … and I have quit to do this ,ever since I awoke from my abstinence-addiction.

- OTHER very common misunderstandings about “what love is all about”…like addiction to romance ….or addiction to relationship (either to as MANY ones as possible….or to “the ONLY One” :-O )

- The “-Self-fulfilling-Prohecy”, if I write publicly, no woman would want me

- The lack of economic appreciation for my work.

- my humble life-claims in OTHER affairs, too



* (Macho-Man, womanizer, mama’s boy, swot, intellectual, full failure, “dynamic maker”, etc …)



And: EUREKA! No. 2:

I had another insight:

Since the moment of my procreation I miss a “life-affirming impulse”, a life-and-loving impulse, a “divine spark” …. All my past life, I never had felt “wanted” … just “tolerated” best. : (



But this deficit I can only fill up with the beloved, lacked Things myself. And exactly THIS also explains my error, and my deterrent effect on women:

I have encontered the women who interested me, always in a such a manner that they could perceive my begging. I tried to PERSUADE the ladies to love MYSELF INSTEAD of ME loving myself. : O But actually NO woman in the world is ABLE to do this, and because of this unspoken fear , to be overburdened & overtaxed with such a task, they always drew back from me intuitively. : (

I now can fully understand this. ONLY I myself can learn to accept MYSELF FOR MYSELF…. to be THEN capable of love for someone else. :)

So, I try to accept me now as the “wanted/willed-by-myself.” :) Only if I can cope alone with me -WITHOUT a woman-, then I am ready for a love-relationship WITH a woman. :)

Anyhow, 1 Question still remains absolutely UNanswered:

If the YOUNG women really claim so much, that being CASUAL, RELAXED, OPEN MINDED, OPEN-ENDED, UNselfconscious , UNbiased & NOT binding would be so essential for dating, then I ask myself, WHY the heck these young Ladies & Girls always treated me with such ARTIFICIAL (negative) IMPORTANCE all my Life long, as to EXclude & ignore me so extremely, that one almost could SMELL the Tension !?!? Why do you GIVE such a big , "women-created" Significance to me , by treating me so exceptional & by creating an absolutely artificial Weighting of my Person & my Actions, if you´re really supposedly so much into Easiness, Relaxation, Looseness, Indifference, Non-Commitment & Open-Endedness ???
That´s a fundamental CONTRADICTION for me !!! WHAT do you actually WANT ???
Please CHOOSE & DECIDE finally !!! OK ?
And secondly:
Why is it, that your cold Ignorance, your silent Arrogance, your scary Silence & your emotional Coldness towards Me is so darn EASY for you ?
HOW do you manage so effortlessly to create & hold all this Tension so EASILY , WITHOUT being exposed to any kind of Consequence as a "Mirror-Image", or without receiving any Form of Resonance at all ???
How is is even POSSIBLE, that all your Crampedness & Tenseness towards me stays so FREE of any DISadvantages for YOU ???
Honestly: You´re CREEPY to me ! :-O
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 (4.): WASTED MANLY FRESHNESS:


I am afraid of withering, before I have flourished ever !

"O.K.", you young Ladies & Girls of Middle-Europe:
Now you have ALMOST managed to DO it: If you just let some MORE YEARS of my manly Youth & Freshness go by UNused ... let them slip through my Fingers in vain, ...waste them & ignore them to Death... then I will become finally THAT much withered, that from then on, you can claim a new & very useful Excuse for excluding me & ostracizing me further on: And that IS, that I finally... FINALLY will have become "TOO OLD" for You !!! :-( After apparently having been "TOO YOUNG" for you finicky & picky Ladies all my Life BEFORE !?!? :-/ SIGH :-(
CONGRATULATIONS !!! For such a senseless, nonsensical, UNsatisfactory & self-fulfilling Accomplishment !

Already NOW I have a presentiment of  HOW enormously BIG the Sadness & the Fear will be, which I´ll feel, as soon as I in fact will have grown SO OLD, that young & still-fertile Femininity up to Age 40, will turn their back on me , for reasons of "faded, vanished manly Vitality & Freshness" ...after they have let my Attractiveness & Energy slip away in vain & UNused !
How shall I ever MOURN enough for this UNbelieveable, INcredible,...because so UNnecessary & so AVOIDABLE Misery of a completely "overlooked" & bypassed Life of a Man ?!?!
How shall I ever overcome that "Primary Shock" , which I was exposed to very early in Life ( in 1975 , by a young overworked Nurse, who almost STRANGLED me to Death) & ever overcome this (seemingly) INsurmountable deep Ravine, between ME & female Youth/young Femininity, when from now on there´s also the Difference in Age between ME & unused, fresh & fertile Femininity ???
What Perspective & Chance will be left to me, to ever catch UP on all that, which the Girls & Ladies already always had REJECTED to me & have DEPRIVED me of, when I still was young & fresh myself ???
I am afraid, that FEMALE Youth will become only MORE aloof, repellent, unapproachable to me, & thus even MORE scary to me , that way.
And: As this always is a mutual thing..., but the Girls & Women never ever become AWARE (enough) of their own Fears, Insecurity & Confusion, they therefore rather keep their Distance towards me, by judging me & labelling me as being "strange" , "weird" or "suspiciously crazy". :-/
This way, young women & Girls not only distract (themselves) from their own Fears, Insecurity & Confusion, NO, they also add some "artificial Significance" to ME (-without noticing so, of course-), which I definitely do NOT necessarily "need" to have, nor do I WANT to have it !

From the very beginning, I miss also a "consequential Resonance" & a "resonant Consequence" in all the Actions, Activity & Behaviour of female Youth ! WHERE on Earth had ever been the Correlation & the mutual Mirror-Images of the Behaviour, the Feelings & the Needs of young Femininity, compared to MINE ???
WHERE had been any Evidence of THEIR Longings & Wishing & Wanting (towards ME) ???

Why did the Girls & young women always make it AS EASY AS POSSIBLE for me all my Life, to "avoid" THEM (the other way round) in my former Addiction-to-Abstinence ???
Why had this been so darn EASY ...without experiencing ANY Resonance , either for THEM or for ME ???

I do NOT understand that at all !!! This is a Division by Zero !!! Here, the natural Laws known to me, face an arbitrary Exception of NO rational Definition or Explanation !!!
:-/

Soon, I´ll maybe end up like THIS Man here, who stayed young... because he stayed Single !:

among "HE searches HER":

GIRLS, WHAT DO YOU WANT ???
A nice Guy, with Humour, good-natured & a loyal Soul. Someone who will listen to You, understand You ...and who´s ready for any .. well, almost any Deed ! And also is handsome. Then finally open Your Eyes !!
My best Friend is such a Guy, but unfortunately, he´s too shy to talk to You Ladies. With Age 42, he´s probaly just in the right Age for You... so please write to him via E-Mail-Adress....


 I am afraid of withering, before I have ever flourished !

From mw OWN personal Life-Experience, I could not even TELL nor KNOW, that Women actually DO have interest in the male Gender at all, ... if there hadn´t been the OLD, withered, worn-off, MARRIED Women , with (almost) grown-up Children !!!
As much as YOUNG Women & Girls have only avoided, ignored, shunned, spurned & "overlooked" me arrogantly all my Youth & my young Adulthood long, the OLD Ladies have been all the more obtrusive, importunate & troublesome towards ME , ever since I was a little Child !!!
From the Days of my Childhood, I was surrounded by nothing but "Aunties" , "Mommies" & "Grannies" !! :-( UGH !
All this almost crossed the line to "Child-Abuse" ! An older Man once used the Word "Prostitution", referring to this Situation.

If only 1 single young Women or Girl only ONCE had pressed so hard on me, adored me , swarmed (a)round me, only 1/thousandth as much, as those Armies of OLD Ladies always have done incessantly since my Childhood, .... if I therefore only ONCE had experienced a Fraction of this exuberant, foaming-over  Interest & swollen, bloated Attention of the OLD, barren Femininity, ... by the YOUNG, FRESH, FERTILE & UNused Femininity for a Change, ... then I would be MARRIED now for many Years already ...and I would be the Father of 10 Children !

But instead of that, I have to now fight & fend off the unrelenting Storm & Attack of the encroaching, possessive, seizuring , occupying, possession-taking, "militantly-nice", troublesome, obtrusive, importunate, pushy, withered, used-up, worn-off, expired, faded, weather-worn, married, widowed, UNattractive, sterile, barren ... but horrible, awful, FORMER Femininity, for the Rest of my Life !!!

"Gery" is NOT the Abreviation of "Geriatrics", OK ??!!!!!

Definition of the Term "Menopause":
= The Age, from which on the Women all of a sudden "PAUSE" their hitherto existing, previous emotional Indifference & their Arrogance towards me ... for the Rest of their Lives.

I am afraid of withering, before I ever have flourished yet !

Why do only YOUNG Women & Girls NOT like "Nice-Guys" ? Whereas the OLD Women are even ADDICTED to those ? 
The old Geezer-Ladies can even HATE me to the Core....but they never ever callously IGNORE me, like the Girls do ! :-( SIGH 

 --------

But it´s ME, actually, who is in an acute Hurry: My Time is running out, my "biological Clock" is ticking ! How shall I be able to get in Contact with YOUNG, FERTIL Femininity right in Time, ...when I have grown OLD myself, and have become worn-off & exhausted ???

And, what´s worst: I also won´t ever be able to be the Grandpa of my own Grand-Daughter, that way ! :-O

And when I´ll finally once have become an old Geezer of 99 Years myself: 
NO OLD Lady will ever step TOO CLOSE up to me again !!!
Either I can finally manage to CATCH UP on my UNmet Needs for Contact with FEMALE YOUTH ...& HEAL UP this open Wound... or I´ll just stay Single untill the very last Day of my Life !!!


I am afraid of withering, before I ever got to flourish yet, in the first place !!!



https://www.studiblog.net/2014/06/04/why-women-dont-like-nice-guys/


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------













---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

History and Purpose of Wahnmache/ MahnWache:
————————————————————————

Founded around 1991 by Gerhard Martin (Guitar & Keyboard & Drums) & Daniel Robert Oelbauer (Drums & Violin) as „TOLLHAUS“ (T.od O.hne L.angfristig L.ebenswerte H.offnung A.ll U.nseres S.eins ), while studying in the Gymnasium Sonthofen.
Our first and only public Concert (Winter 1994) took place WITHOUT us, since we were NOT informed about it right in time.
As NOBODY could be found for playing the bass, the „Band“ never grew to bigger extent than 3 men (additional Guitar-Player Andreas Reck joined in late 1993). And 1994 had been the year of the tacit disbandment, too. The project just diverged without comment. Some „easy & silly listening“-Folk-Rock-Band took the name TOLLHAUS for their Band…and I named my solo-project „WahnMache / MahnWache“ as an equivocation to the German word for a „political or admonishing vigil“ and the „making of madness“. It now is a solo-project, but it does not necessarily NEED to stay one, right ? ;-)
Please help to develop these recordings into full wholesome songs with any instrument that would help to complement the expression of it. Strongly demanded would be Drums and Bass …but any other instrument is wellcome, too, as far as it can be useful to transport the emotional message of this music MORE, or in a new and interesting way.
Please, let me know, WHAT your interpretation and supplement of my music will sound like. OK ?

Gerhard „Gerre“ Martin



Listen to my own Music-Compositions, please: d*-*b
It´s really expressive instru-metal Music , containing many influences, from "BACH to KRACH".
http://www.metal-archives.com/bands/WahnMache_-_MahnWache/3540416849 
 
 
 
>>This one is very awesome, since the band is called "WahnMache / MahnWache"<<
 
>> Wow ! Love this one. Their music isn't too bad, either. <<

13 Wahnmache/Mahnwache-Music-Videos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ryb_x4to0OE&list=PLqwPjRzTey7XU4mYpLRSyVcUTakF-iGFe&index=1 


Download ALL Wahnmache/Mahnwache-Songs (mp3) HERE !!!:
SÄMTLICHE Wahnmache/Mahnwache-Stücke (mp3) hier zum Herunterladen !!!:
Télécharger TOUTES les Chansons de Wahnmache-Mahnwache (mp3) ICI !!!:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

My (hopefully OVERlooked) "Music-Parody-Project":
>>Neg.-Narz. (Negativer-Narzißmus)<<:








 https://www.indabamusic.com/people/negativer_narzissmus  

 https://www.indabamusic.com/people/negativ_narzissmus  
https://www.hype.co/negativer-narzissmus 

 https://www.hype.co/negativ-narzissmus 

 https://www.hypedsound.com/negativer-narzissmus 

 https://www.hypedsound.com/negativ-narzissmus 

 https://www.negativer-narzissmus.tumblr.com 

 https://www.negativ-narzissmus.tumblr.com 

 https://www.negativer-narzissmus.jimdo.com 

 https://www.negativ-narzissmus.jimdo.com 

 https://plus.google.com/109386678760567827443

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CObKSf5lsH8&list=PLjv93GMPy_OWQoEqRBKwK1hBV2ggTFjwu

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9o2KeGo8frZgsByPquhdbA 

 

Download the FULL Album "zu allem Überfluß" as a ZIP-file with mp3-Songs:
Das vollständige Album "zu allem Überfluß" als ZIP-Datei mit mp3-Liedern:
Télécharger TOUTES les Chansons (mp3) de l ´Album "zu allem Überfluß" ici:


https://www.dropbox.com/s/894rrtqdpgi4o6n/ZORN%20%E2%80%93%20Zu%20allem%20%C3%9Cberfluss.zip?oref=e#sthash.aAJfIaFq.dpuf 
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 I am a MOVIE-STAR now !!! B-)

And even with "half-NUDE-scenes" !!! 8-o ;-) :-P :"> =D Mmmmmh ! ^__^WHEEEEHHH !!! 

From Minute 0:35 on, can be seen ! 8-D WOW !


  1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iU9TUB_KsH8 

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECdxwD2KcWU 


The COMPLETE documentary-film (40 min) for Download:




And finally, I had been engaged in THIS Cinema-Movie B-) as the MAIN supernumerary star:


The Scene where I appear was filmed in Oberstdorf, Bavaria at the Schattenberg-Ski-Jump-Ramp ! It´s some mixture of Entertainment & Documentary about the short-sighted British Ski-Jumper Michael "Eddie" Edwards !
Voilà ! ^__^ Enjoy !!!


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My life had been totally DEVOID of “female youth” from the very beginning: I have had NO sister, NO girl-friend, NO fiancée, NO wife, NO daughter EVER ! :((( All my Life, I only have been applying myself totally IN VAIN for experiencing some YOUNG Femininity ! :-O :'(

Thanks to the fear, mistrust and shyness of you Ladies I have nothing but been alone all my life. :-(

And instead of explaining to me, what disturbes you talking to me, looking at me (and what I could possibly change), you just say: “I don´t believe, you never had a girl-friend. I think you´re joking!” :-O Or you just ask ME: “What has been the reason for the failure ?”, allthough I hoped to learn THAT from YOU. :-(

In meinem einsamen Leben hat das “Junge, Weibliche” immerzu nur gefehlt, schon von Anfang an: Ich hatte keine Schwester, keine Freundin, keine Verlobte, keine Frau, keine Tochter !!! :((( Ich habe mich mein GESAMTES Leben lang immer nur VERGEBLICH um etwas "WEIBLICHE JUGEND" bemüht gehabt ! :-O :'(

Dank dem Mißtrauen, der Scheu und Angst von Euch Damen war ich mein ganzes Leben lang nur allein. :-(

Und statt mir zu erklären, was Euch so sehr an mir stört (und ich ggf. daran ändern könnte), sagt Ihr mir nur: “Das glaube ich Dir nicht, daß Du noch NIE ne Freundin hattest. Ich vermute, Du veralberst mich!”:-O

Oder ihr fragt mich: “WORAN scheiterte es denn immer ?”, obwohl ICH doch diese Frage endlich von EUCH geklärt zu bekommen hoffte. :-(

Dans ma Vie, la jeune Fémininité n´a que MANQUÉE seulement ! :-O :-X
Je n´ai eu une soeur, une amie, une coupine, une fiancée, une femme, une épouse  ou une fille jamais !!! :((( J´ai essayé à trouver un peu de la Jeunesse féminie totallement EN VAINE. :-O :'(

Grâce à la peur et défiance de vous femmes je n´ai été que seul toute ma vie. :-(

Et au lieu de m´expliquer ce que vous gênes de parler avec moi et regarder moi (, et me dire ce que je peux changer peut-être), vous me disez: »Je ne croix pas, que tu n´ais eu d´amie jamais ! Je pense, que tu raconte des bobards!« Ou vous demandez MOI : » C´était à cause de QUOI ?«, bien que MOI, JE veux apprendre ça de VOUS.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why women don’t like nice guys

Zur deutschen Version geht’s hier: Warum Frauen keine netten Männer lieben.
The following article has already been an attraction on Studivz and we would like to share this brainfart with you guys. While you’re reading it just remember one thing: every exaggeration contains a bit of the truth. It’s simply the tone of the article. Read it with a 😉 .

Why women don’t like nice guys

Hands up! How many desperate men are out there who would categorize themselves as nice, understanding and affectionate but who still spend Sunday evening watching TV alone, asking their idol Kai Pflaume (obviously a nice guy but still a ladies‘ man) the question of their lives: “Why does no woman ever want me?”
Before I’m going to answer that, I want to define the typical characteristics of Mr. Nice Guy. Just so all the men denying themselves every morning while shaving in front of a Sylvester Stallone Poster can relate too.

In the friendzone

There are a lot of beautiful, intelligent women in your circle of friends who you’ve all (without exception) desired at some point. You’ve told each one of them about your feelings for her at a fancy Italian restaurant while holding at least a thousand red roses in your hand. And all of them answered the same way: “You’re a really nice guy and I really, really like you! But just as a friend.”
And because you are such a nice guy… you said yes to “please, let’s just stay friends, okay?” instead of telling that bitch that she could at least spread her legs for you since you’ve paid for the expensive meal she just had.
Just like she does for that idiot of a boyfriend she usually changes within a month, who, on top of it all, hits her twice a week and is sleeping with her best friend. How you know all that? You are her psychiatrist, of course! Your number is saved at the very top of her speed dial. Obviously under “Grandma” or “Tanja” because the Mediterranean lovers she’s currently seeing are really, really jealous. Most of the time she calls you in the middle of the night right after he gave her a black eye and also right after their make-up sex. From time to time she pushes in that rusty nail stuck in your heart a little deeper by saying things like “If he was a little bit more like you!” while she’s ruining your Shirt with her waterproof and washing powder resistant mascara.
A little more like me? Girl, you’ve got 100% right in front of you! Why don’t you fucking get that?! Still you wait. Because deep inside you know that one day she’s going to dump that musclebound douchebag and finally realize that you’re the one for her! And you might not be completely wrong. One day she’ll appear at your door, crying so hard, your laminate floor will curl up. He’s gone, ran away with another girl, just another asshole who thinks with his dick and you were right and all. You’ve been waiting for this for years now. You are so ready to take over! And then she says: “Your friend, Sebastian, is he still single?” And at this moment you wish the burning of witches was still legal.

But because you are such a nice guy…

…you are her best man when she’s going to marry Sebastian next week.
Your ex-girlfriends who were just together with you because merciful aid groups were “in” at that time, are only saying good things about you. Things like you’re affectionate, understanding, a good listener and that you’ve always been there whenever they needed you. And of course that you’re the best partner for a woman to wish for. But that one sentence: “You’re my best friend and the only one who really gets me!” You’ve heard it so often, you should actually have the copyright for it. To the question why they left you, the answer’s always the same: they really don’t know and they’re probably going to regret it one day… Great, now the whole world thinks you suck in bed. The only thing you regret is that you’ve been holding back your BDSM-phantasies out of pure consideration for her.
But because you are such a nice guy… you remain affectionate, understanding, a good listener and you’re still always there for her even after the break-up (even if you actually know that this way she isn’t missing anything and that you’re just being stupid).
At the club you often make long ass conversation with the girls. After a really hot dance session, you hand her a glass of water and compliment her looks and earrings. Every girl is impressed by your intelligence, your knowledge, your humor and your restrained behavior. She’s happy you’re interested in what she does and what’s on her mind. All the other men trying to talk to her only want the one thing. A bit later she’s leaving the club with that shady looking guy who interrupted your conversation with the words: “Nice ass! Wanna go to my place?”
But because you are such a nice guy… you follow her and wait for her in front of a ruinous building in an area you wouldn’t even trust a nun. At dawn she comes running out of the building. She’s crying and her clothes are ripped. You take her home and she promises to call you. After about 10 km alone in your car you realize that she doesn’t even have your number and you didn’t ask for hers.

Does that sound like you?

You keep yelling “Yes! Exactly! But why is it like that…” while reading this?
Reason 1:
Good listeners like you are very rare. And that’s your death sentence. To say it with the words of a bulimic: “I never eat where I puke.” What that means for you: she likes sharing her sorrows with you but she’s having fun somewhere else and not with you, her emotional dump.

Reason 2:

Nice guys are boring. They’re not promising that thrilling bearded-Marlboro-man-adventure. Women are horse whisperers; they want to domesticate wild studs. They don’t want to take a ride on the carrousel-pony.

Reason 3:

Women don’t know what they want. They’re thankful for anyone making decisions for them. Men like you are giving them too much to decide by saying: “It’s going to end the way you want it. I will do anything you tell me to. I will be there whenever you need me.” But men like you will also have to ask: “Uhm, where are you going”, when their beloved is leaving with the guy who said: “You want to sleep with me, admit it”.

Reason 4:

This might be the most important reason why nice guys are not allowed to be with the nice girls. It seems like a physical and psychological phenomenon of polarity, similar to a magnet. ( + ) and ( + ) are always going to repulse one another. What does that mean for you? Become a ruthless asshole who doesn’t give a fuck about the feelings of a woman.
But because you are such a nice guy… you won’t change at all and hope that the laws of physics will change for you and that one day you might get a chance to escape the friendzone.

Nice is not getting laid… or why nice guys can’t get the girls

The other day a friend of mine was telling me that he was finally going on a date with this gorgeous woman he’s been after for a long time now. And Max, that’s his name, was expecting a wonderful night. He’s been taking her car to the carwash. He even painted her apartment last summer. The only thing he’s receiving from her is a brief hug to say hello. My advice: “Let her go, she’s bad for you.”
The day after the date Max told me about it: Fancy restaurant, the movies, visiting a club. After all that he brought her back home. She asked him to come in, they had a few drinks and were talking the whole night through. At some point he drank too much and wasn’t able to drive anymore. He stayed the night. “It was almost perfect”, he said to me. Just one little thing was missing: they didn’t have sex. They weren’t even sleeping in the same bed. What happened? Well I already told you that: nothing! Instead of a night full of love Max received the worst insult a man can get from a woman. Four little words: you – are – really – nice. The following sentence always starts with “but”. After that she will tell you everything she likes about you. You, the man she doesn’t want. If she uses the nice-sentence you can forget about all of your sexual phantasies you ever had with her. And don’t even think about a relationship with her. It’s even worse: you’ve been degraded to a second-class man, the so called “good friend”. Similar  to a banishment because every man then knows that it’s impossible for him to ever be that woman’s lover or boyfriend. It´s the everlasting exile called friendzone you can’t escape from.
But how does all of that misery even start? Before the “you-are-nice”-sentence woman and man get to know each other. He likes spending time with her and she feels the same. Man thinks: “Wow, what a great woman!” Woman thinks: “Man, he’s really nice!” Careful: by then the word “nice” is still a good thing. A “nice” which is just thought by a woman is not the same as the “nice” she says to the guy. Right now there’s still a chance that she changes her mind and the “nice” is being replaced by a good feeling towards the guy. If the word “nice” loses half-life, the man has already lost the game. As you can see: it’s important to always consider more than the last 24 hours of a not-relationship to recognize why a man failed. But even more important than that are the characteristics of the man himself. There you’ll find out that all the men being too nice share a lot of those characteristics I’ve been talking about.
What men are those? Max for example has dark hair, is tall (1,85cm) and weighs about 80 kg. Their looks obviously have nothing to do with it. There has to be a different cause leading nice men to always losing. I asked a few of my female friends and they had answers: the sissy (as they like to call him) has a place in every woman’s life. And none of the women would want to miss their sissy. You never know when there´s something heavy that needs to be lifted or when the apartment has to be renovated. Yeah, that’s what sissies are: helpful! Of course, everyone is kind of being helpful towards women. But don’t overdo it. There is a difference between helping a woman to put on her coat and carrying three crates of beer to the 4th floor for her. And by difference I don’t mean the 54 steps or the 27 kilograms of fluids. This unconditional helpfulness must go way back to the childhood. I can imagine Max‘ mother telling him over and over again that he was supposed to leave his seat for the old lady at the bus. Since then whenever Max sees a woman he automatically thinks of her as a poor weak being. Well he probably forgot about the fact that he would never sleep with the old lady from the bus. Anyway, Max neither has sex with his beloved nor with the bus-lady. Instead of doing so he’s their little doggy. And his sweetheart is enjoying that. Such a dog on two legs can come in very handy. Who wouldn’t want to be admired if the ego is suffering a bit? But there won’t be a reward. And as such, sex with Max is not an option at all. After all it is forbidden to have sex with animals, at least in Germany.
It would be wrong to say that the sissy is automatically a scarecrow. He’s not someone a woman would hide from public. All the other men like him because he is no harm to them. All the women like him because he’s so understanding and because they can talk to him for hours. About their relationships with other men. Or because he’s so funny. Or, worst case scenario: both! Maybe that’s one of the reasons they think of him as asexual. Who would like to sleep with their psychiatrist? Or a comedian like Didi Hallervorden? The biggest problem is that women don’t think he’s manly and that makes him boring. And boring in the language of a woman equals nice.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

Another friend of mine, Kai, is the exact opposite of Max. Every woman wants to sleep with him, even in the same bed. I can’t remember a time where Kai hasn’t shared his bed… which I don’t really get because I couldn’t say that he seems to be nice. Of course he can be charismatic and funny but only if he’s trying to get in your pants. And he’s super lazy! All of his ex-girlfriends share one thing: Arnold Schwarzenegger’s arms. Because they had to carry their own crates of beer to the 4th floor. And his too.
Well and our nice Max? His only chance is to make some changes. Sissy-time’s over! Changing yourself is, however, not that easy. But it should be if you have to make a choice between metamorphosis and asceticism. It seems that women tend to make no difference between “manly” and “obnoxious”. It also seems that they always go for the badass. You can have him! Two things are really important.
First: never let your girl know that she is the one and only for you. That’s why the intelligent man always surrounds himself with other women. They have to be good looking though. This also helps to give the impression of being worth a lot more on the market than he actually is.
Secondly: repeat to yourself: “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
An example where this slogan is usually the most impressive: cancel a date last-minute with a flimsy excuse. Don’t let the woman cancel before you get the chance! Even if you’re sitting at home watching “Enterprise” for the thousandth time constantly thinking about her: stand your ground! As soon as your phone rings showing her number you know one thing: you won!
So always remember: no more talks for hours. No more offers regarding moves or renovations of her whole apartment. Because that would mean: no more friendzone! By the way a little advice especially for you, Max: don’t drive her home after the next date. Just ditch her at a bus stop or something. And don’t you ever call her again!








------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eingestellt von um Keine Kommentare:
Labels: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Standort: 87527 Sonthofen, Deutschland
Abonnieren Posts (Atom)